Transferred from old blog “runners log 2010”
This entry is different than others I’ve written. Most of the time I already have the ending in mind, and it’s typically positive & uplifting. At the start of this one, I’m not even sure if I can spin it around to have an uplifting end. I am praying it will.
Why is it that so many times when I’m surrounded by the most people, these are the times when I feel the most alone? I don’t know really how to describe it. It doesn’t happen all the time, but this feeling I get surrounded not necessarily by a whole group of friends or a whole group of strangers, but surrounded by people who are just inconsiderate, always seeking the center of attention, putting others down for fun; it’s a feeling I would never even get if I spent a week without seeing another human being.
It’s times like these that make me want to close up to those around me, to not let people see who I really am. I did this in high school, and it wasn’t fun. It is not something I look forward to doing again. This feeling of being an outcast is much worse than just being alone. Being alone has an air of retreat and respite, something needed at certain intervals to recuperate or to get re-energized. Being alone is a personal choice that you make to separate yourself. Outcast is other people pushing you away, separating you from them without choice.
It’s like the teenager longing to be accepted by the cooler kids. They look up to them (to a certain extent, or for a certain time) hoping to be welcomed, instead he/she is made to feel less than worthy because of the way they dress, the way they look, or even the way they talk. It would be awesome if those problems went away as people grew older, but apparently at twenty-one they are still strong.
I know I shouldn’t let it bother me. I have great friends, those who know how to joke without being mean, those who know my quirks and personality and love it. I have awesome times with those friends, despite how different we are from each other. But we are told to love others, to love our neighbors in this world, no matter the differences. If only it was easier to convince those people of this command.
The only thing we have control over is our own reactions.
Lord, help me to remember to love others. Help me to remember that You love and accept me as I am, flaws and all. That You love even my accent.
This world rejected my Savior, I should count it a pleasure/honor to be rejected as well.