Just Got 2 Tell

Anything & Everything I Feel Compelled to Share with the World!

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades February 18, 2012

Filed under: Comfort,God,Jesus Christ,Love & Life,Saving Grace — Anna @ 9:44 PM

The two things that comprise the title of this article have one thing in common. It’s the only time ‘being close’ ever counts. In just about any other thing one attempts, close is still failure. Plain and simple as that. A basketball that just barely misses the goal still renders 0 points on the scoreboard. This will tie end by the end, but first some explanation.

Last week in the homework of the Bible study I’m participating in, I read this “Jealousy takes root in the soil of insecurity.” Valentine’s Day, also known among some circles as Singles Awareness Day, I realized I was still battling with such insecurity when I thought I was doing pretty good for February 14th. Then on Wednesday, I began meeting with a group of fellow young women with a common goal to say “So Long (to) Insecurity.” So when I began looking at my psychology homework and saw this as a discussion topic:

You have successfully completed this course, received your degree, and are now faced with the task of using your knowledge of child development to change the world! Choose a problem behavior facing our youths today, such as drug and alcohol use, teenage pregnancy, obesity, or eating disorders, and explain why you think this issue is such a serious concern. What factors do you see contributing to the issue and what types of programs would you implement in order to address the problem?

I had to take a step back. If I were a betting woman I would take the gamble to say that just about every young woman that struggles with eating disorders, drug/alcohol use, or is faced with teen pregnancy, has insecurity issues. If we were to focus on that common root problem, I’m positive we would see a drastic change in our nation’s teenagers.

Now what does this have to do with horseshoes and hand grenades? I started typing my discussion forum post and wanted to ‘Google’ some other information about self-esteem, value, insecurity. I ended up checking out this link: http://community.feministing.com/2010/11/14/self-value/

I started reading, taking it all with a grain of salt, noticing Feminist in the URL. But I was truly surprised by what the author had to say. She hit the nail on the head with the first paragraph.

Here are some questions I believe we can all answer…Have you ever felt like a “loser” because you don’t have that “special” someone? Have you found yourself eating Ben and Jerry’s on your couch, watching the romantic movies to remind you what you don’t have? Have you watched your phone countless times to see if he called?  It happens and I know first hand how that feeling constructs your mood, your self-esteem, your value as an overall human being.

Sounds about right to me. I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt. And she rubs noses with the truth in the second paragraph.

…We want to find the moment when we become the exceptions instead of the rules. We want to find that sparkling Edward Cullen to protect us from the world. Princes, heroes, the “bad” boys, the loves at first sight…the “sexy” and most wanted men that we cannot live without…

There is an innate longing in each woman—no matter their color, race, or creed, no matter their social status, language, upbringing, etc.—to find a love that will last forever, to find a love that beats all odds, that protects and stands up for her, a love that loves not because of what she looks like or what she does, but just because she is. Up until now the author of this article has written something very similar to things that I have said or thought in the past. But here’s where she bounces off the rim and flies across the court, straight into Satan’s basket.

Instead of reading those self-help books on how to find love, why are we not told that the first love we should have is with ourselves? Why should our happiness be placed on this other person to the point that it manages our value? If he doesn’t call, then he’s the one that will miss out. If a guy doesn’t find you attractive or hit on you, who cares? This doesn’t mean that love should be totally forgotten, but the point is that we need to value ourselves and not base it on someone else. Not all women may feel this way, but if anyone who has found themselves in this situation, remember this quote: “If any female feels she needs anything beyond herself to legitimate and validate her existence, she is already giving away her power to be self-defining, her agency.” -bell hooks.

Gag? Seriously!? No, a forever romance is a beautiful thing, but it can never come in the form of a sparkling, vegetarian vampire, Prince Charming, or Superman. They are all fictional characters, yet there is Someone so much better than all of the good qualities of those men combined (and then some), Someone who is Real and Alive, Someone who has beaten the worst odds of all time and not only died for us, but came back from the dead!!!

So in closing, yes insecurity is a huge problem in our society. But the problem isn’t in guys being jerks, or girls being mean to each other. The problem comes from trying to squelch the longing that God put in us to point us to Him, from trying to find our worth in ourselves, when we should be finding it in Him. He’s the one who believed and still believes that we are worth dying for.

Be Blessed,

<>< Anna


Valentine’s Day In A New Light February 8, 2012

Filed under: Comfort,Friends,God,Jesus Christ,Love & Life — Anna @ 6:47 PM

All right, so Valentine’s Day is coming up, a day I seriously have no love for. Maybe it’s because I’m always single. Or it could be because I absolutely abhor the color pink, with the exception of the right combination of hot pink with lime green or black or orange.

But this year feels different for me. Nothing has changed. I’m still single; I still hate pink, but this year I’m looking at the day differently than previous years. It is known as the day of love, the day everyone does a little something extra to show their love and appreciation for those people in their lives. Generally, it is the day for boyfriends and girlfriends and husbands and wives, but they are not the only ones who can benefit.

I guess the difference for me this year is that I have my own classroom. I’m in charge of the lessons and get to decide what we study and how we study it. I teach preschoolers so the more I can discourage ‘boyfriend/girlfriend thinking’ the better, so Valentine’s Day in the class is definitely not about that. Instead I’d rather focus on friendship. Friends, you know those people who put up with your weirdness, who listen to you complain about your job or the jerk who just cut you off. They are the people you lean on during those tough times. Sometimes they have other labels, too, like mom, sister, brother, daughter, husband, or wife, but no matter what a friend is someone we need very much in our life.

So the question is: What have you done for your friends to show them how much they mean to you?


Long Time No See February 5, 2012

Filed under: Friends,God,Jesus Christ,Love & Life,Writing — Anna @ 7:02 PM

It has been way too long since I’ve written in this blog. See, there’s no point in me trying to make resolutions or commitments to writing everyday or even every week. There’s this thing that gets in the way every time. It’s called Life. Let’s just take a brief look at what has happened since my last post. Not that I’m trying to brag or that I think it’s all important, but I don’t always have time to keep up with my good friends. So the last time I wrote on this blog at August 31, 2011. It is now February 5, 2012. I started a new job in September as Pre-K teacher in a private child development center. Moved back in with my parents, nursed my dog back to health after he was hit by a truck. In January, I began working on my Master’s degree from UNC-Chapel Hill as they were the only college that took my work experience into account and would allow me to work for my teaching license and masters degree within the same program. (Note to sports fans, just because I attend UNC does not mean I am a Tarheel fan, I still think that is the most putrid color blue in existence and will never be seen with a UNC sticker on my car). And I am also in the process of moving once more, into a house with one of the best friends a girl could ask for. So mix in constant minor family drama, trying to keep in touch with old friends, writing a little fiction, attempting to be a better daughter of God, and watching way more movies than I really should, and it’s clear to say that I’ve been busy.

I was just reminded by a dear friend that I haven’t written here in far too long and was also touched that she had missed them. It’s good to get feedback from my writings. It lets me know that there is a purpose for it, and I’m not just a waste of hot air, or rather since I’m typing it and now speaking it a waste of cyber space.

On top of that, I ran into one of my favorite teachers of all time at Food Lion last night. We may not have always seen eye to eye on every topic, but he never made me feel like bad for my beliefs. I have a much higher opinion of New Yorkers because of that (Upstate New Yorkers, that is), which was a good thing to have since they overpopulated my hall freshman year. Smile

Then there’s this storyline I’ve been working on for awhile. I started it back in July and have worked on it sporadically since. It’s amazing how I’ve started stories with no intentional uplifting goal or spiritual journey, stories that I’ve started in times of my life where I was not seeking God like I knew I ought to, but as I continue to work on the story God changes them. It has happened several times before; I’ve started a story because I had this idea, because I was bored or needed something to entertain me, because that’s what fiction is, a way of being entertained. And that’s really my main reason for writing, for my own enjoyment, but despite the ideas I have for where I think the story should go, God has given it a different spin. This has happened at least seven times. And people say God is not actively working in His creation today.

I love the way God has been working in this story, in the main character of this story to be most specific. There’s still a lot of details to work on before I can think about sharing it, and I’ve got to fill in between key scenes. SIDE NOTE: Sometimes I think I should write movie scripts rather than books because I’m more dialogue oriented than scenery details or mental narration. I also have a bad habit of writing scenes as they come to me no matter what order they appear in the story, which then leaves the problem of filling in the gaps.

But I’m asking for some help. Titles are even harder for me than filling in the gaps. I’m serious. If you were to look in my ‘Partials’ folder, you would see document titles like Julianne & Charlie, Diana & Darien, Kristina & Tyler, Nicaragua Adoption, Parker Hayes, Christmas Story, The Baptist & The Catholic, and Mystery Novel. Can you get any lamer? I submit that you cannot, or at least not much. They are plain and state the obvious. Most hint at being a lot more romantic than they really are, but I’ve no other ideas for what to call them.

This one in particular is the Julianne & Charlie one, though the story revolves a lot more around Julie than Charlie. It is mainly Julie’s story. It starts with an invitation to her 10yr high school reunion. Unlike the clichéd dreaded anticipation, she’s excited to go. She’s nearly certain she’d get the title “Most Changed” since high school graduation. Even she has a hard time recognizing her senior yearbook picture as herself, having gone from the fat insecure girl who was always getting picked on to a thin/healthy woman with opinion and the guts to speak her mind.

As the story begins, Julianne believes her life is completely under control, things are just as she’d like them to be, great job, great friends. She doesn’t live too far from her Dad, who she still enjoys a close relationship with. A boyfriend would be nice, but there wasn’t too much empty space in her even without one. Then of course because it’s one of my stories and there has to be a romantic part to the story somewhere, she runs into a guy (Charlie) she had admired in high school & he lives in the same city she also currently resides. Not so pretty bits of her past is brought up. Things she thought she had dealt with and gotten over are dredged up, and it turns out she doesn’t have it all together.

So, I’m hoping for some ideas on story titles. If anyone is really interested I could email the parts of the story that have been written thus far.

Until next time, stay blessed!

<>< Anna