The two things that comprise the title of this article have one thing in common. It’s the only time ‘being close’ ever counts. In just about any other thing one attempts, close is still failure. Plain and simple as that. A basketball that just barely misses the goal still renders 0 points on the scoreboard. This will tie end by the end, but first some explanation.
Last week in the homework of the Bible study I’m participating in, I read this “Jealousy takes root in the soil of insecurity.” Valentine’s Day, also known among some circles as Singles Awareness Day, I realized I was still battling with such insecurity when I thought I was doing pretty good for February 14th. Then on Wednesday, I began meeting with a group of fellow young women with a common goal to say “So Long (to) Insecurity.” So when I began looking at my psychology homework and saw this as a discussion topic:
You have successfully completed this course, received your degree, and are now faced with the task of using your knowledge of child development to change the world! Choose a problem behavior facing our youths today, such as drug and alcohol use, teenage pregnancy, obesity, or eating disorders, and explain why you think this issue is such a serious concern. What factors do you see contributing to the issue and what types of programs would you implement in order to address the problem?
I had to take a step back. If I were a betting woman I would take the gamble to say that just about every young woman that struggles with eating disorders, drug/alcohol use, or is faced with teen pregnancy, has insecurity issues. If we were to focus on that common root problem, I’m positive we would see a drastic change in our nation’s teenagers.
Now what does this have to do with horseshoes and hand grenades? I started typing my discussion forum post and wanted to ‘Google’ some other information about self-esteem, value, insecurity. I ended up checking out this link: http://community.feministing.com/2010/11/14/self-value/
I started reading, taking it all with a grain of salt, noticing Feminist in the URL. But I was truly surprised by what the author had to say. She hit the nail on the head with the first paragraph.
Here are some questions I believe we can all answer…Have you ever felt like a “loser” because you don’t have that “special” someone? Have you found yourself eating Ben and Jerry’s on your couch, watching the romantic movies to remind you what you don’t have? Have you watched your phone countless times to see if he called? It happens and I know first hand how that feeling constructs your mood, your self-esteem, your value as an overall human being.
Sounds about right to me. I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt. And she rubs noses with the truth in the second paragraph.
…We want to find the moment when we become the exceptions instead of the rules. We want to find that sparkling Edward Cullen to protect us from the world. Princes, heroes, the “bad” boys, the loves at first sight…the “sexy” and most wanted men that we cannot live without…
There is an innate longing in each woman—no matter their color, race, or creed, no matter their social status, language, upbringing, etc.—to find a love that will last forever, to find a love that beats all odds, that protects and stands up for her, a love that loves not because of what she looks like or what she does, but just because she is. Up until now the author of this article has written something very similar to things that I have said or thought in the past. But here’s where she bounces off the rim and flies across the court, straight into Satan’s basket.
Instead of reading those self-help books on how to find love, why are we not told that the first love we should have is with ourselves? Why should our happiness be placed on this other person to the point that it manages our value? If he doesn’t call, then he’s the one that will miss out. If a guy doesn’t find you attractive or hit on you, who cares? This doesn’t mean that love should be totally forgotten, but the point is that we need to value ourselves and not base it on someone else. Not all women may feel this way, but if anyone who has found themselves in this situation, remember this quote: “If any female feels she needs anything beyond herself to legitimate and validate her existence, she is already giving away her power to be self-defining, her agency.” -bell hooks.
Gag? Seriously!? No, a forever romance is a beautiful thing, but it can never come in the form of a sparkling, vegetarian vampire, Prince Charming, or Superman. They are all fictional characters, yet there is Someone so much better than all of the good qualities of those men combined (and then some), Someone who is Real and Alive, Someone who has beaten the worst odds of all time and not only died for us, but came back from the dead!!!
So in closing, yes insecurity is a huge problem in our society. But the problem isn’t in guys being jerks, or girls being mean to each other. The problem comes from trying to squelch the longing that God put in us to point us to Him, from trying to find our worth in ourselves, when we should be finding it in Him. He’s the one who believed and still believes that we are worth dying for.