Just Got 2 Tell

Anything & Everything I Feel Compelled to Share with the World!

God will answer January 18, 2013

Lately I’ve been convicted over and over regarding my pining for a husband, not just a husband, but the one that God has been planning for me since before I was born. God is a planner, an awesome planner, and I do love to look for His hand in things. I love that even when the first sin occurred God was already revealing parts of His plan to us for restoration to Him. (Yes, I get sidetracked. A lot.)

But friends and others around me are getting married and having children. Others are in relationships. Some I admit I feel no jealousy toward at all, but some do make me yearn and wonder when it will be my time.

Only God knows how many times I have given it over to Him. Again and again. The reason I have to keep re-giving? Because I keep taking. I let Satan worm his way into my mind, believing him when he says I’m all alone, I have no one. That I am incomplete without that ring on my finger. In the garden Satan convinced Eve that God was holding out on her, that there was more for her outside of His will for her, that it would be better if she took control of her life and made her own choices. I do NOT want to fall prey to Satan any longer. I will not search for my own way, search for my own romance, my own husband.

This morning as I felt the longing for marriage again, it hit me. Really hit me. Whenever I find myself pining for that man, for that human relationship—intimate & good and godly as it may be—I am telling God that He is not enough.  In that moment, I’m telling Him that His love for me is not enough for me, that I need more.

And as I confessed this to Him, and asked forgiveness, He answered. Not the answer that many would expect to hear, but an affirmation that I was/am heading in the right direction.

How did He answer? Two songs back to back on Pandora.

“None but Jesus” by Hillsong United

There is no one else for me.
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

and then “All I Need” by Shawn MacDonald

All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine.

All I need is Him. All we need is Him. Nothing else. Nothing but Him can make us whole. Nothing but Him can make us complete. Only God and His love can fill the longing, the cravings, the desires that are within us. Because that is how He created us, to need Him, to long for Him. To crave Him.

 

Seasons of Life May 16, 2012

Filed under: Comfort,Forgiveness,God,Jesus Christ,Love & Life — Anna @ 10:54 PM

Seasons of life, we all go through them, periods of our life that seem to be ruled by certain themes. It may be a period of several months where depression ruled, 2 years of rebellion against God, a year of learning complete and total dependence on God, etc.

I wanted to take this time to reflect on the seasons of my own life. There’s a theme that has run over the last 10-11 years, only it has generally existed on opposite ends of this spectrum. In high school I was very involved at church, serving in handbells, youth choir, going to Sunday & Wednesday night youth group, Sunday School, teaching 3rd & 4th grade Sunday school class, just about every retreat. I served 2 whole summers in missions, which I loved doing. I’d also done a decent (as even then there was much room for improvement) job of personal quiet time and bible study. I’ve gone back through papers that I’d wanted to keep but didn’t know where to file them. I’ve found some of my journaling, I’d taken my daily Bible readings and written my own devotional explaining its importance in life, what one should do with this knowledge. I don’t say this to brag at all, I say this with remorse that I’ve lost much ground and have not stayed the course.

Instead I fell away. Like the prodigal son, I came to believe I could do better on my own. It wasn’t an outright decision to ‘not pursue God’ rather a laziness to sleep in, to fill my time with other things, easier things. It’s a shame to say that though going to a Christian college, I did not grow stronger in my walk with God. Reading the Bible became homework, Christian service became a requirement for graduation. I did those because I had to, not out of a joy to serve and commune with God.

Moving back home after graduation I began moving forward again, began feeding myself good, whole, spiritual food again. I began serving again, but soon after I began moving in the right direction, I found myself falling away again. Moving away from my parents, working in a town 45min from home & church being 45min in a different direction from the house and my lack of stick to itiveness, I slept in rather than personal quiet time. Financial strains made an easy excuse to not go to church except on Sundays, so there was no Tuesday night women’s Bible study. I was teaching the Young Adults Sunday school class, though I doubt I did much service to them, as I know I never prepared as I should. It was one of those things where when I was asked to serve, I prayed for guidance and was never told no, and thus since I didn’t have any valid reason to not teach, I couldn’t really say no. I prayed about finding a church closer to where I was living, even found one I enjoyed attending, but it’s so hard to have grown up in a church where you have such a support system, even if at times you feel very disconnected from them and then try to go to a church where I know no one, I thus didn’t know how to go about serving, etc.

In His love, God has brought me back to Roxboro in work and currently home at least until June in which I’ll be living a little South of Roxboro. But through this, He has renewed my love for studying His Word. He’s brought me a sense of community and support in both a Sunday School class and the 2 Women’s bible study groups I’m a part of. Since October, my life season has been about feeding, nurturing, renewing, and reviving my soul.

And yes it is wonderful to feel and know that I am learning and applying God’s truth to my life once more. However, I’m still missing something. We are not called to solely fill ourselves up with God, to merely seek an intimate relationship with God, but also to shine and be a light for Him to the world. We are to serve Him by ministering to others in need. I refuse to fill my schedule with every service opportunity just to say that I am serving, to busy myself with every ministry and thus be too burnt out to find joy in Bible study and prayer & devotion. My prayer is for Him to reveal how and where I serve.

 

What a Friend We Have in Jesus August 30, 2011

Filed under: Forgiveness — Anna @ 3:39 PM

As a friend, we sometimes put up with a lot. We put up with obnoxiousness, being forgotten because life got in the way, crazy busy schedules that interfere with American Idol night, moodiness, comforting of the difficult break-up with a jerk only to watch them take the loser back, being on the wrong end of countless silly pranks/jokes, and yet we remain friends.

But I have a confession to make. I have been a horrible, low down, no good, rotten, deceiving, selfish, traitorous, lying, cheating, back-talking, down-right bad friend. With my past history and my record of repeat offender, I’m unfit to be called a friend. I have no excuses for what I’ve done, there is no way to rationalize my choices. Plain & simple, I am a failure.

But there is good news coming, Jesus knew all of this before I was even conceived. Before my parents were conceived or their parents’ parents’ parents (and so on and so forth for all of history), He knew what I would do, and yet He still made that choice to die for me & my sins against Him.

I’m pretty sure if I treated any of my human friends the way I have treated my Savior, they would no longer be my friend, no longer be willing to except my apologies no matter the tears and sincerity that comes with them. They would in fact leave me to my own devices and not care down the road how I was doing.

Isn’t it awesome to know that Christ is not like that? No matter what we’ve done, if we come to Him with humble hearts, He will forgive us and welcome us back with praise and feasting. I love the story of the prodigal son, the son who asked for his share of the inheritance before his father had died. I can’t remember who explained it to me this way, but it’s always stuck. He basically told his father, “I wish you were dead.” Now that’s a tough insult. But what happened when the son realized his folly? Knowing he didn’t deserve to be accepted back into his father’s house, he hoped to at least be taken in as a lowly servant, knowing that even that was better than the way he was living alone. But that’s not what happened, his father (I always picture an old man, but there are never any ages listed in the story) ran to meet the son. He wasn’t busy in the fields, but was looking out waiting for his son to return, and when he spotted him, he didn’t just sit and wait for his son to make it to the house, he RAN to meet him.

That is God’s love for us, even when we turn off the path of righteousness, when we pursue self, He is there waiting for our return.

<>< Anna