Have I really become that person? I can hardly believe it. As meek & shy as I’ve always considered myself , to have actually become like her. Her? Who’s this person I’m comparing myself to?
Oddly enough, I remember her clearly as if it were yesterday and not over eight years ago. A senior in high school doing the wildest thing of my youth. I was an hour & a half away from home with 2 of my best friends for Christian concert. No parents or trustworthy adult chaperones. It felt awesome. Looking back on it, I can hardly believe our parents let us do it and can think of many who would never allow their child to do anything similar. But really, what trouble would I have looked for? God had a strong hold of me even then. We had floor seats, were in the second row. I remember being semi-deaf afterwards, and kinda hoarse, too. Hawk Nelson, Kutless, Audio Adrenaline!!!! The music was awesome! But more than that, I remember one particular concert-goer.
She was just catty-corner to us, also on the floor, but stood away from the chairs. I never noticed her talking with anyone else, to all appearances she’d come alone, and honestly I could tell that to her, there might as well not be anyone else in the entire Vines Center. She rocked; she danced; she worshipped God, free and without a thought or concern for what anyone else may think of her. I remember then being impressed by her, wishing that I could do that, just not care about what those around thought of me. For it to just be me, the music, and my God.
Well it happened. I’m not really sure how (except by God), but I realized it last week, and so be warned anyone who’s with or around me from now on out. It was pretty awesome hands in the air, dancing as Big Daddy Weave sung Fields of Grace to a sold out crowd, not that I cared at all about the crowd being there.
And even as I think about this boldness, I realize it’s been in the making. It didn’t just happen, and I realize others have seen it long before I recognized it. The World would try to say that this boldness or confidence came from the weight loss, that losing 50 pounds in 13 months has given the confidence that I have that I can do and be, etc. But I know better. It is all from God!!!
He is molding me, shaping me, chiseling me into who He wants me to be. He’s chipping away the insecurities finding again what He put there and I’ve covered with junk of the world.
And as a reminder to anyone and everyone who reads Just Got 2 Tell, God wants to do the same with you.